two pink lines

We had only been in North Africa for roughly two weeks, still adjusting to our new culture and environment. Yet there I was, attempting to come to the realization that behind this little stick resided a new possible future.  So many conflicting emotions were flowing through my heart, excited for the maybe positive, yet anxious about what the rest of our time would look like because of the positive.  At the same time, my heart was also nervous for a negative, for my mind to be tricking my body into thinking I was pregnant when I wasn't.

It wasn't like Sam and I weren't open to adding a little someone, God had been making it very apparent about our coming future. I was still scared, scared to have a heart dream and desire possibly not coming into reality at that moment.  I was still struggling with trusting Him, and believing I'd actually be able to carry and sustain life.  My mind saw this as too good to be true and as a result not likely to happen, I trusted God but still guarded my heart.

When those two pink lines came staring back at me I knew my view of God had been squeed.  He desires so much for me, why not the deepest desires of my heart as well?  God was so much capable and bigger then I was giving him credit.  When I was questioning if I could get pregnant, already he was knitting life inside of me.  While I was still doubting Him, God was making himself made known.

That chilly day in January began a journey that will last a lifetime.  God has continued to make Himself made known through this new life.  Facilitating an ultrasound in a foreign country, finding good prenatal vitamins and a pharmacist, having health insurance waiting once we arrived state side and so much more.  Sweet baby you already have such a rich history of God and His provision, and this is just the beginning.